Hello everyone

DLJ1972 said:
Hello jm-2026 :) Thank you for saying Hi and sharing yourself with me. It's really good to meet you. You really struck a chord with me in relation to being bullied at school and your attempts these days to "wing it", with very little success! Life can be really tough at times, can't it :( Also like you, I have a tendency to steer away from large groups and over the past few years especially, I have isolated myself more and more. At the same time however, I really want to connect! I am such a social people person sometimes, and equally the opposite at other times! During the past few years, my natural optimism (which has proved to be a major resiliency factor) has definitely decreased, and that's coincided with a tendency to need more alone time. I've been thinking alot today about the kind of paralysis I feel due to having such opposing, contradictory needs. I fear making big changes these days because I am so emotionally inconsistent while drowning in self doubt, so instead, I fight the urge to be impulsive and just struggle along on the same brain loop dilemma. I also make life difficult for myself because I impulsively make (smaller life) decisions all of the time, and so on a daily basis I struggle with over-commitment, whilst also holding on to things I probably should let go of, but can't face doing for fear of regret! I'm sorry this is all over the place. It really does reflect my mind at the moment. I long for clarity and to feel understood - by me and by others. The level of not knowing myself feels so unsafe and worrisome. In some ways it's quite familiar too as there have been several periods in my life that have been hallmarked with confusion, self doubt and paralysis. I have this desperate need to know and to understand me and my situation - Is it ADHD? Is it ASD? Is it CPTSD or AuDHD?? Is it all of these or is it something else entirely different? I try to explain how I feel to people by saying that I used to be like a cup of coffee that was filled to the brim, but most of the time I carried myself very carefully and therefore didn't spill over too often. Since being on the rollercoaster of perimenopause however, that cup of coffee is spilling coffee all over the place and I can't seem to stop myself from splashing all over everybody, and I feel so terribly bad about it! I'm still so new on this journey so I'm not sure if I'm right when I say, I think that reflects how good I was at masking, and how difficult it has been during recent years to keep the mask in place. I don't even really know what has been the mask and what is actually me as I am pretty sure I started shaping myself to be a certain way from infancy in order to survive in my family home. All this leads me to question, "Who am I then?" I feel like I'm going through an identity crisis and it's being aired on TV for everyone to see because my ability to hide my struggles has been replaced by an increased tendency to overshare!
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love your analogy of the coffee cup - so relatable! I too dont really know me from the mask and when I have lifted the mask with a couple people so far about my recent diagnosis they don't seem to understand - or maybe that is me reading them wrong. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø
 
jm-2026 said:
There is - she is a tonkinese (siamese and burmese cross).
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I imagine she's very talkative. My first cat Smokey must have had some Siamese in he, she was very clever with attitude plus! And she looked at you and talked as if she was a human. She could be very moody and would swipe you if she wasn't happy! Misty is much more even tempered, but still pretty smart. I'd love to know what goes on in their heads!
 
DLJ1972 said:
Hello :)
I've been quite nervous to introduce myself, but I've just read a few threads and was pleasantly surprised to see how lovely and supportive people were to each other. So, here goes. My name is Deborah / Debs. I was diagnosed several months ago with ADHD. I am also perimenopausal, and have been taking anti-depressants for most of my adult life due to struggling with anxiety and depression, also for most of my life. I experienced a lot of childhood trauma & neglect, and I have previously been diagnosed with CPTSD. I have spent much of my life in therapy and working so hard to "fix myself", but the past few years my struggles have felt more difficult to manage and my resilience feels so much less. I am currently changing from one anti-depressant to another, and have spent the last 5 months trying different ADHD medications, none of which helped (stimulants made me unbearably anxious).

Right now, my main struggle is one of confusion, frustration and exhaustion. I am currently awaiting an autism assessment after a recommendation from my therapist. I was asked to complete autism training at work approximately 4 weeks ago, so I could learn how to best support autistic colleagues and visitors, and I was shocked and upset learning about ASD as I could relate so much to it and also relate it to members of my family who have now passed away. I continued to look into ASD and neurodivergence further, and I came across an AUDHD information sheet which described me and my constant, contradictory and conflicting daily struggles. This "learning" has impacted me greatly. I feel overwhelmed with confusion and a huge range of emotions. Learning "my truth" has always been so important to me as I have often found knowing how I feel and what I want difficult to understand. I have also encountered people saying things like ADHD and ASD don't really exist etc and I've found myself isolating myself a bit as a way of protecting myself at this time. I would like to talk to people who really know about AUDHD so I can learn and hopefully begin to understand myself a bit more. If I do have ADHD and ASD then I will need support to help me process that and work out ways in which I can go forward with a lifestyle that supports me rather than depleting me. I feel very depleted right now. I also feel that I am potentially in the process of really discovering who I am and how I have managed myself so much over the years as a way of surviving as a child and fitting in as an adult while always also trying to keep myself separate due to not feeling like I belonged and that people don't really want me there. I have always thought this was related to CPTSD, and maybe it is. But, right now I am thinking it maybe more than that. Sincere apologies; I feel like all I've done is waffle on.
Kindest regards
Debs
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Hello Debs, Thank you for sharing, I completely resonate with all of what you are saying and I just wanted to reply and say, that you are in the right place. I was late diagnosed with Autism in Aug 2024 and ADHD in Mar 2025 at age 51 because I have known I was autistic for about 7-8 years, but when the menopause started I couldn't figure out what was happening. I got the diagnosis so I could get support because I was struggling so much, but there wasn't really anything. When I found the iAutistic course in Nov 2025, I finally found my tribe and could start to make sense of all this. I feel exactly the same as you regarding the grief and sadness of what I went through and how it had impacted me, by not understanding why I struggled so much (or even knowing how much my brain is different and that I think differently, take longer to do things then others) it was all such a shock and I continue to go through this the more I learn, but like you, I also feel like I am on the verge of uncovering who I am and "the Truth" is so important. Don't give up, hun! From one Deb to another... we just gotta keep going and figure this out... WE ARE WORTH IT!! xx
 
MadCatLady said:
I am seeing my GP later today for the first time since getting the report. I wish I'd been warned how much of the process would focus on my early childhood years. This whole episode started with flashbacks to my early school years and I have significant trauma which seems to mean either flashbacks or complete blanks in my memory. I was in care for a significant chunk of my preschool years and in an out of care the rest of my childhood due to parental mental health issues, my parents are now dead and my care notes destroyed and there was no one to ask. The questions were unanswerable and many irrelevant as they clearly weren't written for people growing up in the 60s and 70s. I put in an extra document to explain my context but it clearly wasn't read because she has put mother was well and there was clear evidence of childhood autism. I had no developmental delays and played alone in the context of a severely depressed mother with no energy to play with me or take me anywhere to interact we ith other children! And because I couldn't tell her I had a best friend at primary school, which was over 60 years ago she had put repeatedly that I've never had a best friend! It's not true and not helpful.
I'm apparently now experiencing grief, but I'm a good 8 on the enneagram, so they had better watch out when I recover, but as I'm appalled at the way newly diagnosed adults are treated by the NHS. I can't believe anyone would seek diagnosis as an adult without some level of trauma or mental health issues, but instead of offering additional support, it seems most are sidelined and the fact that only just over 20% are in any form of work speaks volumes. Many highly intelligent people unable to work due to prejudice, lack of mental health support and a lack of understanding from employers. I have a brilliant boss, but I'm only working 10 hours and couldn't do more at the moment. Pre menopause I had a really good job in science, but the wheels fell off and I've really struggled since. I'm still on HRT, which really helped and my GP wants me to come off, but I'm not going to allow this yet. I get no side effects and it made such a difference.
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Dear MadCatLady, I am so sorry for not seeing your message earlier. My mental health took a real dip since we last spoke and I isolated myself for quite a while, while also coming off venlafaxine and transitioning on to Ecitalopram. It was quite an awful few weeks that cost me a lot emotionally, and also over 2 grand as I soothed myself with retail therapy :/ I have been feeling a lot better this past 2 - 3 weeks though I'm pleased to say, and I want to say thank you for your message. I completely understand your wish for being informed more clearly about the potential retraumatisation aspect of the autism assessment process. I had my final autism assessment this afternoon, and I remember thinking how harrowing it was having to talk about my childhood. I completely relate to the flashbacks or chunks of memory loss :( I too was unable to "bring" anyone to my assessment as there is quite simply no one alive who knew me as a child. Your experience of the reporting of your assessment is truly awful! I understand how important it is for you / us for them to report accurately about what we have shared. These memories and experiences are so intimate and personal to us; they need to respect and value that by reporting correctly! I am so saddened to hear that was your experience and await my report with my fingers crossed. I really relate too, to what you said about the wheels falling off for you since perimenopause. I genuinely feel like I just managed to "do life" by the skin of my finger tips, being "successful" in quite a few different areas but since perimenopause, I, and my life along with it has started falling apart. I too am very fortunate to have a good boss and am currently working between 14 - 20 hours a week depending on my mental health / energy levels. I don't plan on ever coming off HRT if I can help it! The reduction in hormones has caused my ADHD symptoms to sore and my ability to cope plummet. I feel so, so sad that there are so many brilliant, intelligent people struggling to live their lives due to hormonal changes / inadequate support and understanding. By the time today came, I was "almost" expecting a diagnosis, but even so, I still felt quite shocked and this evening I cried as I allowed myself to feel the sadness of the realisation that I struggled so, so much - as a child and as an adult - and not because I was disgusting as I often thought I was, but because I am neurodivergent. I don't even feel I've began to understand what this actually means to me. How are you doing? I really hope you're feeling in a good place xx
 
FreeToBeMe said:
Hello Debs, Thank you for sharing, I completely resonate with all of what you are saying and I just wanted to reply and say, that you are in the right place. I was late diagnosed with Autism in Aug 2024 and ADHD in Mar 2025 at age 51 because I have known I was autistic for about 7-8 years, but when the menopause started I couldn't figure out what was happening. I got the diagnosis so I could get support because I was struggling so much, but there wasn't really anything. When I found the iAutistic course in Nov 2025, I finally found my tribe and could start to make sense of all this. I feel exactly the same as you regarding the grief and sadness of what I went through and how it had impacted me, by not understanding why I struggled so much (or even knowing how much my brain is different and that I think differently, take longer to do things then others) it was all such a shock and I continue to go through this the more I learn, but like you, I also feel like I am on the verge of uncovering who I am and "the Truth" is so important. Don't give up, hun! From one Deb to another... we just gotta keep going and figure this out... WE ARE WORTH IT!! xx
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Hi Debbie. Apologies for the delayed response, and thank you for your message, your support and kind words. I was finally diagnosed this afternoon with autism. I was expecting it, but I still feel really shocked, and very sad in all honesty. The process of trying to get my head around being AuDHD starts from here on in. How are you doing? xx
 
jm-2026 said:
love your analogy of the coffee cup - so relatable! I too dont really know me from the mask and when I have lifted the mask with a couple people so far about my recent diagnosis they don't seem to understand - or maybe that is me reading them wrong. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø
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Hi JM-2026, apologies for the delayed response. How are you? I suspect you aren't reading them wrong, but I hear your lack of confidence in your ability to actually know that! It's so hard to know isn't it? x
 
DLJ1972 said:
Dear MadCatLady, I am so sorry for not seeing your message earlier. My mental health took a real dip since we last spoke and I isolated myself for quite a while, while also coming off venlafaxine and transitioning on to Ecitalopram. It was quite an awful few weeks that cost me a lot emotionally, and also over 2 grand as I soothed myself with retail therapy :/ I have been feeling a lot better this past 2 - 3 weeks though I'm pleased to say, and I want to say thank you for your message. I completely understand your wish for being informed more clearly about the potential retraumatisation aspect of the autism assessment process. I had my final autism assessment this afternoon, and I remember thinking how harrowing it was having to talk about my childhood. I completely relate to the flashbacks or chunks of memory loss :( I too was unable to "bring" anyone to my assessment as there is quite simply no one alive who knew me as a child. Your experience of the reporting of your assessment is truly awful! I understand how important it is for you / us for them to report accurately about what we have shared. These memories and experiences are so intimate and personal to us; they need to respect and value that by reporting correctly! I am so saddened to hear that was your experience and await my report with my fingers crossed. I really relate too, to what you said about the wheels falling off for you since perimenopause. I genuinely feel like I just managed to "do life" by the skin of my finger tips, being "successful" in quite a few different areas but since perimenopause, I, and my life along with it has started falling apart. I too am very fortunate to have a good boss and am currently working between 14 - 20 hours a week depending on my mental health / energy levels. I don't plan on ever coming off HRT if I can help it! The reduction in hormones has caused my ADHD symptoms to sore and my ability to cope plummet. I feel so, so sad that there are so many brilliant, intelligent people struggling to live their lives due to hormonal changes / inadequate support and understanding. By the time today came, I was "almost" expecting a diagnosis, but even so, I still felt quite shocked and this evening I cried as I allowed myself to feel the sadness of the realisation that I struggled so, so much - as a child and as an adult - and not because I was disgusting as I often thought I was, but because I am neurodivergent. I don't even feel I've began to understand what this actually means to me. How are you doing? I really hope you're feeling in a good place xx
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Thanks for your message. I'm not sure when I wrote mine but it feels a long time ago. I still need to write to Psychiatry UK and request they correct my report and ask given I'm the only one giving evidence and I have significant very early childhood trauma how they can possibly say there is definite evidence of early childhood autism. I have since been back to the CMHT and received a very genuine apology for being effectively fobbed off with autism as an explanation for everything when I wanted help with trauma symptoms unrelated to autism. Once n finish the pathway programme I will be getting trauma therapy. So I have 2 experienced clinicians who identified autism but never thought how traumatising the diagnostic process would be for me! They've learnt something and I might be the first person they've seen with such a severe reaction but probably many wouldn't say anything. I saw my GP for an HRT review and didn't even have to argue my case about continuing it this year. He agreed now is nit the time to stop! CMHT have suggested I start Venalfaxine which I'm absolutely dreading as I've reacted so badly to all the SSRIs. I described how they made me feel, literally like walking on the moon to my mentor and she said it sounded like proprioception issues. I can't start until the end of this week after I've finished work and done a good shop (on past experience I won't be safe to drive). My GP said the side effects shouldn't persist over a few days. They never eased off before and I had terrible nausea, agitation and insomnia. I sleep brilliantly at present so am not looking forward to sleep disruptions.

I'd be very kind to yourself now. I think a lot of my shock was because I'd never initiated it or known I was neurodiverse. And also I'd spent a year trying to get help and this was their endpoint and it wasn't the answer I needed. Our society is in a strange place. We claim to be accepting of neurodiversity, it there is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding out there,with people thinking they understand when they don't really. Thus is why NDSA is so powerful with it's positive view and only being informed by ND people. Good luck.
 
MadCatLady said:
Thanks for your message. I'm not sure when I wrote mine but it feels a long time ago. I still need to write to Psychiatry UK and request they correct my report and ask given I'm the only one giving evidence and I have significant very early childhood trauma how they can possibly say there is definite evidence of early childhood autism. I have since been back to the CMHT and received a very genuine apology for being effectively fobbed off with autism as an explanation for everything when I wanted help with trauma symptoms unrelated to autism. Once n finish the pathway programme I will be getting trauma therapy. So I have 2 experienced clinicians who identified autism but never thought how traumatising the diagnostic process would be for me! They've learnt something and I might be the first person they've seen with such a severe reaction but probably many wouldn't say anything. I saw my GP for an HRT review and didn't even have to argue my case about continuing it this year. He agreed now is nit the time to stop! CMHT have suggested I start Venalfaxine which I'm absolutely dreading as I've reacted so badly to all the SSRIs. I described how they made me feel, literally like walking on the moon to my mentor and she said it sounded like proprioception issues. I can't start until the end of this week after I've finished work and done a good shop (on past experience I won't be safe to drive). My GP said the side effects shouldn't persist over a few days. They never eased off before and I had terrible nausea, agitation and insomnia. I sleep brilliantly at present so am not looking forward to sleep disruptions.

I'd be very kind to yourself now. I think a lot of my shock was because I'd never initiated it or known I was neurodiverse. And also I'd spent a year trying to get help and this was their endpoint and it wasn't the answer I needed. Our society is in a strange place. We claim to be accepting of neurodiversity, it there is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding out there,with people thinking they understand when they don't really. Thus is why NDSA is so powerful with it's positive view and only being informed by ND people. Good luck.
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Hello again :) I completely agree about society saying they're accepting and yet it seems there is so much misunderstanding and misinformation about. I'm not even sure neurotypicals can ever really understand it tbh. Maybe our only solace is other ND's. I really hope the venlafaxine is treating you kindly. I'm so sorry to hear you've had so much trouble with SSRI's. Let me know how you're getting on x
 
I started taking it last Saturday and as expected it's made it harder to sleep and I've felt quite woozy. However the hot weather has compounded this and Wednesday I felt so ill. Really dehydrated and sleep deprived. I react so strongly to medication and was never believed before, but of course it's an autistic thing. I'm only on 37.5mg! I will persevere and will have to increase to 75mg to see if it helps at all, but not until I'm tolerating this dose fully. I'm thankfully not depressed but I have CPTSD and anxiety and the theory is is should help.