What Is The Hardest Part Of Being Autistic And A Parent?

[ChristinaTheAuDHDMum]

I personally struggle to do what my wife calls "picking your battles". I've got 2 toddlers and my autistic brain struggles to let go of the right or wrong way to do things when they're playing up. I need to learn how to balance whether it's worth arguing my point or whether it'd be better just to give them what they want to give myself an easier life. I struggle to come up with specific examples but hopefully you get the idea. It maybe doesn't help that we think my son could potentially be autistic.

Have we got any autistic parents here? What do you think is the hardest part of being a parent and also autistic?

I think for me it’s getting time and space to be alone. I have 3 autistic adhd kids. And they’re full on. I need a little bit of time each day to recharge, in the quiet, by myself and it’s a challenge to get that as a stay at home mum. I don’t have breaks, and they don’t go to bed early either. So that’s something I’m trying to establish more at the moment for myself, to help it not get to burnout stage. When u need a break, u can’t push it out too long, you have to find a way to take a break. Even a short one.

 

[MandyH]

For me it's people accusing me of 'helicopter parenting'. I have 31 and 32 year old offspring who still need a lot of support despite being what uninformed people would call 'high functioning' - pah! My youngest child lives and works away from home and needs rescue missions from time to time, either to sort her laundry or to help her declutter her living space. Very few people understand why she needs this.

The eldest still lives at home and doesn't work. Currently having driving lessons. So far today (lesson day) two attempts to get her up and showered have failed because she is demand avoidant and cannot respond to being nagged. My husband knows this but continues to nag because he cannot let it go. This means she goes to her lesson stressed and cannot learn. He simply cannot cope with her leaving everything to the last minute and the instructor having to wait for her. He's undiagnosed...

It was even harder when they were younger and I am glad those days are behind me but also feel I have failed massively as a parent because despite all the support and battling around their education, they aren't yet fully able to function independently in society and I am afraid for their future. My youngest I think will be ok long term but I am terrified for my eldest.

 

[Loubie]

The hardest part for me is that I'm always worried about what to do, my head just goes blank when it comes to planning activities or what to play with or where to go and it is really stressful and frustrating because I know I should be doing somthing but have no idea what, like a friend suggested a day at the zoo a while back but I dont think I could do that on my own I get stressed about driving especially to strange places and I get stressed when surrounded by strangers and I really want to do better for my daughter but I just cant help it. I was stressed recently and needed a short break so I told my ex about it in Hope's of a short term solution, now shes stopped contact and says I'm unstable and it's no good for our daughter even though she acknowledges we have such a great bond. Now shes telling me I need to go to court if I want access but I have no idea how or where to start and I feel it's all my fault for letting slip that I was struggling... more fool me, lesson learned

She has no right to do that unless th welfare concerns are really serious, you can disagree with her and you must (comms that are evidence like texts, emails, letters) or it will look like you've agreed with her. Fight it straight away, dont wait, if your ex keeps your child too long (a few months is long for a child) the courts dont like to change the status quo and you'll find it even harder to get the child back. Go to a family law solicitor for advice, make sure they specialise in child matters. Some firms offer a free 30mins or 1hour. Some you have to pay. But you're not under obligation to appoint them after the meeting - just ask for advice and what steps you need to take.