Yes, folks, that annual celebration of Saturnalia. Masks on, folks, you're not allowed to be unfestive. (Note: festive iced fruit cake in Sainsbury, £3.50. Non-festive, £1.50)
So, let's enjoy a Christmas Tree (oh, that festive tradition!), Santa (actually Saint Nicholas, complete with a blackface slave in the Low Countries), and - what's that I hear, enough? Tell you what, share the pain? Last year drove me to the point where I foreswore singing, a major element of my psyche, after a drunken Irishwoman told me to have a shag. Now, that's one side-effect of a prostatectomy I can't deliver on. It left me thinking, why am I doing anything to help these people? The Christ I know was born in poverty, and died a terrorist. He tells me to, but if they don't actually want me involved, the best thing is to go do my own thing and leave them to it.
Call me insensitive, but given we're now fairly sure Christ was born in July of 7 BCE, enough to have changed BC to BCE and AD to CE rather than having to repeat the Justinian redating (which remains incomplete), perhaps the best thing is to be the first to wish you a Happy Hogmanay, and back away fast from the hail of kitchen paraphernalia. After all, I just had darling daughter ask me what's wrong with starting a while sauce by adding the flour to the milk...
And for those who find it a bit much, particularly given the Advent Calendar of Horrors, you are allowed to defenestrate the radio, turn off the box, and be a total grinch! Go get started on that project you've always promised and remember, next year, it's with Added Politics, as there's a General Election due, and that's certain to merge my inner Home-Alone with the native Gomez, who was awe-struck when a school-mate nearly got shot by the Swedish Crown Prince's bodyguards. It was the annual Cadet Force inspection, and said scholar was the commander of the Guard of Honour. The Parade starts with the Inspecting Officer (the Prince) inspecting the Guard, after it's Commander has invited him to do so - and that starts with a sword salute. What nobody'd considered is that said scholar was also a member of the US Olympic Fencing Team, and the Prince therefore received a swordsman's salute - the tip nearly broke the sound barrier.
So there are worse things than hordes of drunken NTs insisting you're their best mate, which may actually be totally true.
So, let's enjoy a Christmas Tree (oh, that festive tradition!), Santa (actually Saint Nicholas, complete with a blackface slave in the Low Countries), and - what's that I hear, enough? Tell you what, share the pain? Last year drove me to the point where I foreswore singing, a major element of my psyche, after a drunken Irishwoman told me to have a shag. Now, that's one side-effect of a prostatectomy I can't deliver on. It left me thinking, why am I doing anything to help these people? The Christ I know was born in poverty, and died a terrorist. He tells me to, but if they don't actually want me involved, the best thing is to go do my own thing and leave them to it.
Call me insensitive, but given we're now fairly sure Christ was born in July of 7 BCE, enough to have changed BC to BCE and AD to CE rather than having to repeat the Justinian redating (which remains incomplete), perhaps the best thing is to be the first to wish you a Happy Hogmanay, and back away fast from the hail of kitchen paraphernalia. After all, I just had darling daughter ask me what's wrong with starting a while sauce by adding the flour to the milk...
And for those who find it a bit much, particularly given the Advent Calendar of Horrors, you are allowed to defenestrate the radio, turn off the box, and be a total grinch! Go get started on that project you've always promised and remember, next year, it's with Added Politics, as there's a General Election due, and that's certain to merge my inner Home-Alone with the native Gomez, who was awe-struck when a school-mate nearly got shot by the Swedish Crown Prince's bodyguards. It was the annual Cadet Force inspection, and said scholar was the commander of the Guard of Honour. The Parade starts with the Inspecting Officer (the Prince) inspecting the Guard, after it's Commander has invited him to do so - and that starts with a sword salute. What nobody'd considered is that said scholar was also a member of the US Olympic Fencing Team, and the Prince therefore received a swordsman's salute - the tip nearly broke the sound barrier.
So there are worse things than hordes of drunken NTs insisting you're their best mate, which may actually be totally true.