Recently diagnosed

H

Hecate81

New member
Hi everyone,
I've recently got diagnosed with autism and CPTSD. I'm a 46 year old woman. I started to suspect I was autistic when I witnessed my son growing up who also ASD.
I am still processing it all and do feel a little lost with it all. I've had to stop working in June as I completely burned out.
Alot of things growing up are making sense now but i don't know who I am behind the mask. Any help or advice appreciated. X
 
Hecate81 said:
Hi everyone,
I've recently got diagnosed with autism and CPTSD. I'm a 46 year old woman. I started to suspect I was autistic when I witnessed my son growing up who also ASD.
I am still processing it all and do feel a little lost with it all. I've had to stop working in June as I completely burned out.
Alot of things growing up are making sense now but i don't know who I am behind the mask. Any help or advice appreciated. X
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Hello again
I just realised I said Hi to you on someone else's thread!
I really relate to what you've said here, and you are not alone in your experience of feeling lost. I too am trying to navigate my diagnosis and I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. My understanding of myself has been challenged greatly over the past year. What is the mask and what is me? It's very confusing. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and that was easier to make sense of as it is very much behavioural and so I think I understand that quite a bit now. But I requested an ASD assessment earlier this year after completing training at work, and I couldn't believe how much I related to the training, especially in terms of how I was as a child. I felt shell shocked to be honest. I feel like the ASD diagnosis is harder to process as it's more about WHO I am. I can see how much I twisted myself and modelled myself in ways to be like other people, but its hard to know who I actually am. I have started stripping things back and thinking about what I LIKED to do as a child and that's helped me to give myself the opportunity to ignite a spark in me. I feel like I am reconnecting with the child me and therefore the true me again. It's early days. I'm just giving myself the space to breathe so I can try and let myself be, so I can get to know myself again. I am now doing art again, yoga, kayaking and I've joined a choir and walking women's football team! (My hyper-activity and hyper-focus needs interests and activities haha) and whereas this time last year I had 4 part time jobs, I now only have 1 (working in a museum as I love history!). This is what I mean about stripping things back. I'm making choices that have my likes/loves in the forefront and this is helping me to reconnect with my true self. |Apologies for the long reply, I just wanted to share part of my journey with you in the hope that you may find it useful for your life. I have genuinely felt like I've been stumbling around lost in the dark for quite a while now and while I don't know what's next, I know I am beginning to make sense of things a bit more again. Kindest regards. DLJ
 
Hecate81 said:
Hi everyone,
I've recently got diagnosed with autism and CPTSD. I'm a 46 year old woman. I started to suspect I was autistic when I witnessed my son growing up who also ASD.
I am still processing it all and do feel a little lost with it all. I've had to stop working in June as I completely burned out.
Alot of things growing up are making sense now but i don't know who I am behind the mask. Any help or advice appreciated. X
Click to expand...
It's a hard place to be. I was diagnosed with AuDHD last year and it's been a rollercoaster, especially with hormonal changes too. I've done so much research...on AuDHD, on hormones, in attachment theory on polyvagal and somatic support ...so much! But that feeling of not knowing who you are behind the mask is a tough one. Honestly, I stopped thinking about it! My masking is part of me. I found it easier to try and understand my behaviours and identify my core beliefs to be able to build a picture of myself. Understanding lifelong patterns if behaviour has helped especially as I can now be more accountable and set stronger boundaries. Maybe it's more important not to label every, not to overthink it all and focus on finding spaces and people you don't feel the need to mask around while accepting that basking can be a valuable skill in the right places.
 
Ceri said:
It's a hard place to be. I was diagnosed with AuDHD last year and it's been a rollercoaster, especially with hormonal changes too. I've done so much research...on AuDHD, on hormones, in attachment theory on polyvagal and somatic support ...so much! But that feeling of not knowing who you are behind the mask is a tough one. Honestly, I stopped thinking about it! My masking is part of me. I found it easier to try and understand my behaviours and identify my core beliefs to be able to build a picture of myself. Understanding lifelong patterns if behaviour has helped especially as I can now be more accountable and set stronger boundaries. Maybe it's more important not to label every, not to overthink it all and focus on finding spaces and people you don't feel the need to mask around while accepting that basking can be a valuable skill in the
Click to expand...
 
Ceri said:
It's a hard place to be. I was diagnosed with AuDHD last year and it's been a rollercoaster, especially with hormonal changes too. I've done so much research...on AuDHD, on hormones, in attachment theory on polyvagal and somatic support ...so much! But that feeling of not knowing who you are behind the mask is a tough one. Honestly, I stopped thinking about it! My masking is part of me. I found it easier to try and understand my behaviours and identify my core beliefs to be able to build a picture of myself. Understanding lifelong patterns if behaviour has helped especially as I can now be more accountable and set stronger boundaries. Maybe it's more important not to label every, not to overthink it all and focus on finding spaces and people you don't feel the need to mask around while accepting that basking can be a valuable skill in the right places.
Click to expand...
This is so helpful! Thank you for posting <3