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Message: <blockquote data-quote="MadCatLady" data-source="post: 13612" data-attributes="member: 7960">It was a good not bad cry, and believe me I've cried more than enough this last year.  I had a really bad shock reaction to my diagnosis which was only in January, and I just couldn't stop crying, and couldn't attend a work meeting and had to write the minutes off a Teams recording instead.  I totally crashed out for 2 weekends and my GP said I just had to go with it.  It's felt like discovering your adopted, in that everything I thought I knew about myself is now being questioned, but in my case I realise my dad was autistic and I'm genetically very much him, I just didn't know what autism was.Although it's a very long time ago, I do have fond memories of my nurse training.  It was tough, but I loved the hospital cameradere and the feeling of making a difference.  I was a good nurse, but it wasn't good for me as I got so burnt out.  I think regardless of neurodiversity working on the frontline in the NHS is tough and the culture can be very toxic.Please do adopt my motto.  It's something we should all aspire to, especially those of us who have been hiding our real selves and trying to be something else.I'm not sure when if ever I'll see my former nursing sister again.  I used to live in Reading but moved down here 10 years ago and am not currently able to socialise normally or do much travel.  I saw her nearly 2 years ago when a friend offered me to house sit.  She offered again last year, but I didn't want to catch up with old friends and just wanted to hide at home.  I will remember her fondly as someone who mentored and believed in me and taught me so much.  She genuinely cared about her staff, as does my current boss, and that's a rare thing.  My favourite governor is an oncologist and I'm sure a very lovely one, but I don't get the idea there is the same sort of environment now.  They work shifts and the teams are fragmented. I'm sure we were encouraged to look after the doctors because they worked such crazy hours and we worked as a team and with the good ones there was a mutual respect.  I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.  Unless you have experienced hospital culture in the 80s and 90s it's hard to understand how crazy it all was.  Certainly as a nurse you weren't supposed to let deaths etc get to you and you were encouraged to internalise any emotional distress and our a professional face on.  It took me years to recover from that and even in my most recent assessment there was mention of appearing calm despite experiencing intense anxiety.</blockquote>

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