We had a great session talking about autistic romantic relationships yesterday with the brilliant Holly Sprake-Hill.
You can catch up with the talk here
Introduction
Relationships are an integral part of human experience. For autistic people, forming and navigating relationships—whether romantic, familial, or social—can be both deeply rewarding and uniquely challenging. In a recent talk, Holly Sprake-Hill, an autistic occupational therapist and advocate, shared valuable insights into adult romantic relationships and the complexities autistic individuals face. Her perspective, rooted in lived experience and professional expertise, sheds light on the myths, realities, and nuances of autistic relationships.
Understanding Neurodivergent Relationships
Holly highlights that neurodivergence is not just about autism or ADHD—it’s a broad umbrella encompassing co-occurring conditions and individual experiences. Importantly, neurodivergence is a social and political movement, driven by the community to reshape conversations about how neurodivergent people experience the world.
With increasing diagnoses—particularly in adults over 50—autistic people are more visible than ever. But, as Holly stresses, autistic individuals don’t fit neatly into societal stereotypes. Autistic people do value relationships and seek connection, contrary to outdated beliefs.
Why Are Relationships Tricky for Autistic People?
Relationships can be especially complex for autistic people due to several factors:
The Power of Neurodivergent Empathy
A poignant insight from Holly’s talk is the concept of empathy. While autistic people are often labelled as lacking empathy, the reality is far from it. Autistic individuals often experience deep empathy—just in ways that neurotypical people may not easily recognise. As Holly puts it, autistic people “love deeply” and express care through unique gestures like “Penguin Pebbling”—giving thoughtful gifts based on someone’s interests.
Red Flags and Navigating Relationships Safely
Holly also addresses an important, often overlooked topic: safety in relationships. Autistic individuals are disproportionately vulnerable to exploitation, abuse, and violence. Misunderstandings around boundaries, communication, and consent can increase these risks. For autistic people, education and support are crucial to recognising red flags and building healthy, affirming relationships.
Embracing Autistic Love Languages
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and acceptance. Holly shares how autistic “love languages” can differ:
Conclusion
Autistic relationships may look different, but they are no less meaningful, loving, or fulfilling. Holly’s insights remind us to celebrate neurodivergent ways of connecting, communicating, and caring. By breaking down myths and fostering understanding, we can create a world where autistic people can thrive in relationships—just as they are.
Resources
For more insights, check out Holly’s podcast on autistic relationships https://www.autismcentral.org.uk/news/relationships-podcast
and
explore resources like the Durham's Healthy Relationships guide for practical advice: https://www.durham.ac.uk/news-events/latest-news/2024/04/autistic-guide-to-healthy-relationships/
For professionals:
You can catch up with the talk here
Introduction
Relationships are an integral part of human experience. For autistic people, forming and navigating relationships—whether romantic, familial, or social—can be both deeply rewarding and uniquely challenging. In a recent talk, Holly Sprake-Hill, an autistic occupational therapist and advocate, shared valuable insights into adult romantic relationships and the complexities autistic individuals face. Her perspective, rooted in lived experience and professional expertise, sheds light on the myths, realities, and nuances of autistic relationships.
Understanding Neurodivergent Relationships
Holly highlights that neurodivergence is not just about autism or ADHD—it’s a broad umbrella encompassing co-occurring conditions and individual experiences. Importantly, neurodivergence is a social and political movement, driven by the community to reshape conversations about how neurodivergent people experience the world.
With increasing diagnoses—particularly in adults over 50—autistic people are more visible than ever. But, as Holly stresses, autistic individuals don’t fit neatly into societal stereotypes. Autistic people do value relationships and seek connection, contrary to outdated beliefs.
Why Are Relationships Tricky for Autistic People?
Relationships can be especially complex for autistic people due to several factors:
- Communication Styles: Autistic individuals often communicate differently, and their authenticity can be misinterpreted. Social “rules” can feel like an invisible minefield, leaving autistic people feeling confused or rejected.
- Masking: Many autistic individuals spend years “masking”—mimicking neurotypical behaviours—without realising it. This can strain relationships and lead to burnout.
- Monotropism: A term describing intense, high-focus attention on specific interests, which can sometimes make partners feel sidelined.
- Sensory Needs: Differences in sensory processing can affect everything from physical affection to shared environments.
The Power of Neurodivergent Empathy
A poignant insight from Holly’s talk is the concept of empathy. While autistic people are often labelled as lacking empathy, the reality is far from it. Autistic individuals often experience deep empathy—just in ways that neurotypical people may not easily recognise. As Holly puts it, autistic people “love deeply” and express care through unique gestures like “Penguin Pebbling”—giving thoughtful gifts based on someone’s interests.
Red Flags and Navigating Relationships Safely
Holly also addresses an important, often overlooked topic: safety in relationships. Autistic individuals are disproportionately vulnerable to exploitation, abuse, and violence. Misunderstandings around boundaries, communication, and consent can increase these risks. For autistic people, education and support are crucial to recognising red flags and building healthy, affirming relationships.
Embracing Autistic Love Languages
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and acceptance. Holly shares how autistic “love languages” can differ:
- Parallel Play: Enjoying time together while doing separate activities.
- Info-Dumping: Sharing passionate interests as a sign of affection.
- Supporting Without Words: Actions often speak louder than verbal communication.
Conclusion
Autistic relationships may look different, but they are no less meaningful, loving, or fulfilling. Holly’s insights remind us to celebrate neurodivergent ways of connecting, communicating, and caring. By breaking down myths and fostering understanding, we can create a world where autistic people can thrive in relationships—just as they are.
Resources
For more insights, check out Holly’s podcast on autistic relationships https://www.autismcentral.org.uk/news/relationships-podcast
and
explore resources like the Durham's Healthy Relationships guide for practical advice: https://www.durham.ac.uk/news-events/latest-news/2024/04/autistic-guide-to-healthy-relationships/
For professionals:
